I am gettin so hot, I wanna take my clothes off

I am super happy it is finally being summer in Texas rather than some monsoon factory. I love the sun and blue skies. I even kind of love the heat.

My body just doesn’t.

I’ve been noticing for a while now that I am super sensitive?…responsive?… to heat. Basically, I sweat a lot and I do so very easily.

I remember times even in the winter that I’d have dinner with a friend and get all sweaty. They’d be sitting there in their cowlneck sweater, I’d be in a tank top. And sooner or later I’d be sweating. It’s awful and embarrassing.

I have theories as to what the issue is.

1. Prozac. Getting all hot and bothered is a possible side-effect.
2. Weight. I’m a big girl with a lot of insulation. I get steamy more quickly than the thinner ladies.
3. Alcohol. Perhaps a combination of this with either of the first two is making me break out in a sweat. Like my metabolism gets all wonky because the prozac doesn’t appreciate the alcohol getting in its way of making me happy. Or something.

But whatever it is, man oh man it got me good last night.

I went out with a friend to a storytelling event. Which was awesome. Find one near you stat and check it out.

We sat down with our pizza and beer and a few bites in I notice I am just dripping sweat. Like running down the crack between my boobs sweat. I’m sitting here trying to catch up with a friend and it looks like I’ve just run a marathon. Which clearly I haven’t done.

I’m wiping at my brows and pushing the sweat back into my hair, which is already in a ponytail, adding to the awesome workout effect. (which BTW, which way do you wear your hair to minimize the appearance of sweating your ass off? Is the sweatiness more noticeable if your hair is up or down? Perhaps hanging down is more uncomfortable, but it hides the sweat on the back of your neck?)

At some point I just want to lift up my maxi skirt and just wipe myself down. My friend won’t care if I flash my panties to the world, right?

I escape to the bathroom and try to rinse off. The water is not even a bit cold. It does nothing for me. Except make me more wet.

DANG IT.

I look like a freak.

I actually start observing other people in the restaurant to see if they are sweating too. They just have this nice “I’m having a good time glow.” I am pouring buckets. And blotting at myself with paper towels from the bathroom.

Finally, the lights dim and the show starts and I replace my beer with ice water. It gets somewhat better.

But I hate this!!! THIS happens to me all the time. I am the sweatiest person in the room and I feel so conspicuous and gross.

It happens at restaurants. At friend’s houses. And they are like, should I turn the air down? And I don’t know what to say because I know my body is being a freak. Should they freeze and pay extra high utility bills for me and my fat ass?

I know I am not supposed to beat myself up for the way my body is, so the only positive spin I’ve put on this is…

I am a really efficient self-cooler. My sweat means I am handling heat stress in spectacular fashion.

I feel so proud…